[Wade feels his face grow warm. When the elf finally sees fit to look back at him it's Wade who turns away this time, his hand reaching up to briefly squeeze the back of his neck, though it's hard to tell whether his embarrassment is from saying too much or from Fenris's intense words of endorsement.]
Yeah, well... just be glad you met me now and not when I was still in my Classic days. Did a lot of shit I'm not proud of. I was honestly pretty close to Mr. Nihilist, back then. Not nearly as indiscriminately rampagey, of course, but still close enough to be embarrassing.
[There's a pause. His face tightens, as if he's debating whether or not to say any more.]
Uh. Speaking of which, I meant to ask you about the day I... that day, I mean.
[ There's a lot Fenris could say to that. How he feels the same way, or how that version of him Wade watched die would tear his throat out in an instant with zero regrets, how he has stood by and watched innocents die if he didn't kill them himself. How that version still lives somewhere deep down, repressing everything he's done in the past.
Alas, Fenris doesn't have enough time to muster up the things to say before Wade shifts the conversation back to that day. As hesitant as he is to talk about what happened he wouldn't deny Wade the chance to do so.]
[Part of him expected Fenris to shoot him down. Part of him wanted Fenris to shoot him down-- once he'd said those words he couldn't find a way to take them back. For a moment he's so frozen with indecision that he forgets himself-- makes the motion of pulling up a mask that isn't there to take his first bite of the ice cream he's been neglecting for so long. It's softened considerably by this point, but a hefty mouthful of the cold stuff serves as a welcome stalling tactic, if only briefly.
It's over too soon. Reluctantly he swallows his mouthful, very pointedly not meeting Fenris's eyes.]
I, uh... I wasn't sure whether to bring this up to you because I didn't know if I was remembering it right. Your brain gets kinda loopy with that amount of blood loss, y'know? Plus I'm pretty sure I had a concussion by that point and that really doesn't help with clarity, havin' your brain rattle around in your skull like that an' all. Plus my healing factor ain't what it used to be and there was like a ninety-nine percent chance I was going into shock--
[For fuck's sake, Wade-- cut the foreplay and just ask.}
A-anyway, point is I was fadin' fast. Game over, roll credits, whatever you wanna call it. Could almost see my girl on the other side, waiting for me. And then-- and this might be completely off-base here so correct me if I'm wrong, but... I think I might've heard you, uh. Order me not to die? And then... I didn't?
[His face feels hot again. He shoves another spoonful of ice cream in his mouth to counteract it, and also to stop himself from saying anything else stupid.]
[ Normally, Fenris would cut Wade off mid ramble and tell him to get on with it already, but this time he lets him ramble. Probably because he doesn't want to address the situation any further, and while he's hoping Wade will just happen to be talking about something else, he's pretty sure he knows that's not true.
Fenris doesn't turn away from Wade, but his gaze flickers elsewhere as his ears twitch in embarrassment, wincing as he hears Wade recall his hysterics. He's not sure what came over him. He just remembers the intense pang in his chest when Wade got wounded trying to save him, the guilt, the...loss? The fear of loss. Fenris has watched too many friends die, too many come and go, too many betray him. It's tough to find those who would stick around no matter what. It's tough to find those who would ask if you were hurt while they lay on the floor hanging on by a thread. ]
Yes, well, it was indeed strange. Perhaps you weren't as mortally wounded as we thought.
[That ear twitching again, so subtle it could be easily missed by someone who didn't know Fenris well enough. Wade can't exactly say that he knows all of the ins and outs of Fenris's personality, but he's always been pretty good at reading people, and he's been around Fenris long enough to recognize that that reaction only really comes about when Fenris is uncomfortable... or embarrassed. He meets the elf's gaze, brown eyes staring into hazel.]
No, dude. I know what mortally wounded feels like. There's like this... cold numbness that creeps over you. You start losing feeling in your limbs, your brain gets sluggish and sleepy, almost like you're dozing off. S'been a long time since I last felt it, but that ain't exactly something you forget. Even if I wasn't on my way out, my healing factor wasn't strong enough to heal the kind of wounds that fucker gave to me.
At least... not until I heard your voice. It felt like all those years ago, when my healing factor first kicked in. Almost like-- I-I dunno how to describe it. Like... your words gave me strength, or something.
[His face flushes red to the tips of his ears.] Th-That probably sounds really cliche and dumb, I know. I just... can't think of any other way to put it.
[ Fenris has never been good at hiding what he's feeling. His markings are only partially a contributor to that failure. His ears were another story. Even for as pigheaded and cantankerous as Shirallas can be the man's ears barely ever moved an inch if he were upset or embarrassed. But Fenris doesn't possess that skill. So when Wade explains how his voice "gave him strength" when he was on his death bed Fenris' ears are burning red and permanently flattened against his head.
Before he can get a word out he finds himself choking on them, avoiding Wade's gaze immediately.]
Do you hear yourself? Such a thing wouldn't be possible.
[He's already said too much, and saying anything more would only cause them both more embarrassment. The atmosphere of the room has simply changed too much; some aspect of their relationship has grown almost uncomfortably intimate. It would be best to just let things lie, not to pursue this train of conversation any further.
But Wade's never been one for doing the sensible thing. He utters a nervous, embarrassed chuckle, his eyes riveted to his softening container of ice cream.]
Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just imagining things. All I know is that before that day, my healing factor could barely close up a papercut. Now it's gotten stronger, and I don't have any explanation for that other than... what you said. What I felt. The only thing I have to compare it to was when Worm--
[He cuts himself off and shakes his head, letting out another one of those self-conscious huffs of laughter.]
Nah, just ignore me. Clearly I'm talking out of my ass.
[ Fenris finds himself staring intensely at the other end of the room. He's relieved when Wade gives him an out in this conversation, and he almost takes him up on it. "Clearly", he could say and be done with it. But instead, he gets to thinking. Unfortunately, he does that far too often.
He sighs. ]
The powers we get from that horrible shard inside of us...could that have something to do with it?
[The way Fenris looks away feels like a withdrawal. Not that Wade expected anything else-- the elf always got a little cagey when talking about serious subjects like these, he's noticed. It comes as a complete surprise to him when Fenris not only doesn't change the subject, but asks him a very valid question.
Wade blinks, his brows furrowing in thought.]
God, I'd almost forgotten about that fucking thing. But... maybe that was it? Maybe something in my healing factor was, I dunno-- triggered by your thoughts or something?
[It suddenly occurs to him that he sounds very presumptuous about what Fenris was possibly thinking, and he frantically attempts to backpedal.]
Uh... a-assuming you were thinking something like that, I mean. Like I said, I was pretty woozy from the blood loss.
[ Yeah, Fenris is going to keep staring at the other side of the room, clearing his throat at Wade's suggestion. ]
...That's possible, I suppose.
[ That's about as much confirmation he's willing to give on where his thoughts were at that moment. Though, were this discussion about anything other than some shard put into their bodies against their will that's affecting them in one way or another, he would have dropped the conversation by now. But this is kind of important, isn't it? ]
I don't recall ever finding out what my "power" was.
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no subject
Yeah, well... just be glad you met me now and not when I was still in my Classic days. Did a lot of shit I'm not proud of. I was honestly pretty close to Mr. Nihilist, back then. Not nearly as indiscriminately rampagey, of course, but still close enough to be embarrassing.
[There's a pause. His face tightens, as if he's debating whether or not to say any more.]
Uh. Speaking of which, I meant to ask you about the day I... that day, I mean.
[The day I almost died, he manages not to say.]
no subject
Alas, Fenris doesn't have enough time to muster up the things to say before Wade shifts the conversation back to that day. As hesitant as he is to talk about what happened he wouldn't deny Wade the chance to do so.]
Ah. What did you wish to ask?
no subject
It's over too soon. Reluctantly he swallows his mouthful, very pointedly not meeting Fenris's eyes.]
I, uh... I wasn't sure whether to bring this up to you because I didn't know if I was remembering it right. Your brain gets kinda loopy with that amount of blood loss, y'know? Plus I'm pretty sure I had a concussion by that point and that really doesn't help with clarity, havin' your brain rattle around in your skull like that an' all. Plus my healing factor ain't what it used to be and there was like a ninety-nine percent chance I was going into shock--
[For fuck's sake, Wade-- cut the foreplay and just ask.}
A-anyway, point is I was fadin' fast. Game over, roll credits, whatever you wanna call it. Could almost see my girl on the other side, waiting for me. And then-- and this might be completely off-base here so correct me if I'm wrong, but... I think I might've heard you, uh. Order me not to die? And then... I didn't?
[His face feels hot again. He shoves another spoonful of ice cream in his mouth to counteract it, and also to stop himself from saying anything else stupid.]
no subject
Fenris doesn't turn away from Wade, but his gaze flickers elsewhere as his ears twitch in embarrassment, wincing as he hears Wade recall his hysterics. He's not sure what came over him. He just remembers the intense pang in his chest when Wade got wounded trying to save him, the guilt, the...loss? The fear of loss. Fenris has watched too many friends die, too many come and go, too many betray him. It's tough to find those who would stick around no matter what. It's tough to find those who would ask if you were hurt while they lay on the floor hanging on by a thread. ]
Yes, well, it was indeed strange. Perhaps you weren't as mortally wounded as we thought.
no subject
No, dude. I know what mortally wounded feels like. There's like this... cold numbness that creeps over you. You start losing feeling in your limbs, your brain gets sluggish and sleepy, almost like you're dozing off. S'been a long time since I last felt it, but that ain't exactly something you forget. Even if I wasn't on my way out, my healing factor wasn't strong enough to heal the kind of wounds that fucker gave to me.
At least... not until I heard your voice. It felt like all those years ago, when my healing factor first kicked in. Almost like-- I-I dunno how to describe it. Like... your words gave me strength, or something.
[His face flushes red to the tips of his ears.] Th-That probably sounds really cliche and dumb, I know. I just... can't think of any other way to put it.
no subject
Before he can get a word out he finds himself choking on them, avoiding Wade's gaze immediately.]
Do you hear yourself? Such a thing wouldn't be possible.
[ Right??? ]
no subject
But Wade's never been one for doing the sensible thing. He utters a nervous, embarrassed chuckle, his eyes riveted to his softening container of ice cream.]
Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just imagining things. All I know is that before that day, my healing factor could barely close up a papercut. Now it's gotten stronger, and I don't have any explanation for that other than... what you said. What I felt. The only thing I have to compare it to was when Worm--
[He cuts himself off and shakes his head, letting out another one of those self-conscious huffs of laughter.]
Nah, just ignore me. Clearly I'm talking out of my ass.
no subject
He sighs. ]
The powers we get from that horrible shard inside of us...could that have something to do with it?
no subject
Wade blinks, his brows furrowing in thought.]
God, I'd almost forgotten about that fucking thing. But... maybe that was it? Maybe something in my healing factor was, I dunno-- triggered by your thoughts or something?
[It suddenly occurs to him that he sounds very presumptuous about what Fenris was possibly thinking, and he frantically attempts to backpedal.]
Uh... a-assuming you were thinking something like that, I mean. Like I said, I was pretty woozy from the blood loss.
no subject
...That's possible, I suppose.
[ That's about as much confirmation he's willing to give on where his thoughts were at that moment. Though, were this discussion about anything other than some shard put into their bodies against their will that's affecting them in one way or another, he would have dropped the conversation by now. But this is kind of important, isn't it? ]
I don't recall ever finding out what my "power" was.