[inbox] - meadowlark

[ishotyouuu]

@wade.wilson | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

Comments

[nonscriptum]

ok well this guy who i've met a couple times before started our conversation by telling me i looked uncomfortable at fancy gatherings

so you can imagine it only got better from there

[ishotyouuu]

oh man im loving this dude already

plz go on, my rageboners not even at quarter mast yet

[nonscriptum]

he asked me if i knew someone who was at the event, but like in this sort of pretentious over-detailed way

and when i said yeah, that's the girl who chased me down and bit me not long ago, you could say i know her

he threatened me

[ishotyouuu]

[...what the actual fuck--]

ok im sorry

i couldve sworn u said that the dude threatened u 4 being attacked but clearly i mustve just suddenly lost the ability 2 read

[nonscriptum]

no, that's pretty much how it happened
said he hoped he "didn't need to threaten me into keeping her vampirism a secret"

[ishotyouuu]

please tell me this story ends with "and then he woke up to me teabagging his face"

[nonscriptum]

no, i kind of called him out on how stupid his threat was and then he gave me some bs about us being allies and how i would do the same in his position and i decided to fuck off before i made his shirt match his red jacket

[ishotyouuu]

ur a more patient man than ill ever be broski

hed be deep-throating his own femur if he said that shit 2 me

u need an alibi later or smth?

[nonscriptum]

i'm not gonna kill him, wade

[ishotyouuu]

[You wound him, good sir!]

whoa whoa whoa

who tf said anything about murder

i was thinking a b&e or smth

or my personal favorite

gaslight b&e

[nonscriptum]

is that a b&e where it looks like someone broke in and took something but really their stuff was just messed around and nothing is gone, to freak them out?

[ishotyouuu]

oh so ur familiar with that one huh :D

[nonscriptum]

[ It makes him laugh, which is the first time this evening he's felt relaxed. ]

yeah, it's right up there next to blackmailing wall street jerks

[ishotyouuu]

oh man u like doing that too huh

so nice to meet a fellow connoisseur of misdemeanors

srsly tho if u need a pointman im ur guy

we cant leave him a corpse but we can leave him with no corpus delicti amirite

[nonscriptum]

[ There are many things that tickle his funny bone, but solid Latin jokes are up there in terms of content he cannot conceivably resist. ]

oh my GOD
you asshole, that's so good

[ishotyouuu]

;D

thats what im here for

laughter and larceny

which coincidentally is also the name of my next business venture

laughter & larceny llc

[nonscriptum]

wow, we should collab. my business is called funnies and felonies & co.

[ishotyouuu]

oh man we should definitely collab then

maybe ill even contact our main company and see if maybe we can work on a merge

u ever hear of em?

probably, theyre a big company

clowning and crimes inc?

[nonscriptum]

pretty sure i've heard of them

they're affiliated with that one family business, right?

sins and shenanigans and sons?

[ishotyouuu]

[This is the second time Nate's taken a joke of Wade's and run with it. The first time could've been considered a fluke, but this is starting to shape up to be a pattern. Wade feels his mouth stretch into a wide, delighted smile. It's not often that people decide to react to his wacky humor, much less respond in kind.]

ok tho real talk i would LOVE to work at a place called sins & shenanigans & sons

sounds like my kind of ppl

[nonscriptum]

it does have a certain ring to it

[ Maybe the mafia should rebrand. ]

do you think the sons commit the sins, the shenanigans, or both?

[ishotyouuu]

idk maybe its a distancing thing like when rock stars break off to do solo careers or smth

maybe they dont wanna be associated with the sins or the shenanigans but they still wanna stick with the company

or maybe theyre family names

maybe this is a Chinese-Irish company who knows

1/2

[nonscriptum]

hey this is MY fake crime-committing company, don't write the lore without me

[nonscriptum]

in seriousness though, thanks. for this.

[ishotyouuu]

ur welcome pal

this is what im good at

lightening the mood with inane humor and fart jokes

like Family Guy except good

so actually not like Family Guy

[DISS.]